Dating app gold diggers: How the new generation manipulates algorithms to bag rich men
On a typical weekend night, you will find Amy Green, a 27-year-old PR manager, and her stylish friends dressed to the nines in a bar in one of London’s most upmarket neighbourhoods.
But as soon as they order their expensive cocktails, instead of getting to know each other, they immediately focus on their glowing phone screens, resetting the ‘geolocation’ on the various dating apps they’ve installed.
This gives potential ‘matches’ on the app the impression that the women live in an affluent area – thereby increasing their chances of being matched with a man who shares their demographics.
Amy explains that by adjusting the settings on her dating apps to focus on the upmarket part of town where she currently lives, and limiting the search radius to one kilometre, she is usually able to see all available single men in her immediate area.
Over the weekend, I caught up with the girls over drinks at Shoreditch House, a members-only club in East London. It was enjoyable to browse through the eligible men.
But Amy’s swiping isn’t just a casual curiosity. She is strategically searching for the “perfect” Mr Right, which means a wealthy man. Shoreditch House has proven to be a successful location for her pursuit.
Sure, we met the typical aspiring actor or trendy hipster, but we also met wealthy, imaginative men looking for a match. By my twenties, I was paying for most of the dates and it was becoming monotonous.
When my friend recommended Hinge, a different dating app, and told me ‘the guys are very generous on there’, I decided to give it a try. To my surprise, she was absolutely right.
It’s possible that after reading these blunt words you may have developed a negative opinion of Amy. But she is just following the lead of a growing number of British women who are fed up with the exhausting, shallow and expensive world of modern online dating app.
Dating apps can now be used to make a living
If Bridget Jones was looking for love in 2023, she wouldn’t have written in a diary. Instead, she would have manipulated dating app algorithms to increase her chances of meeting a wealthy partner.
Proof of this can be found in the many unmarried women who proudly boast of the same behaviour on social media.
Influencers share tips on how to attract wealthy men on TikTok hashtags such as #hingeprofiletips and #hingedating, which have received millions of views. These tips include which photos to post, filters to use when searching, and even which bars to visit. These women, who are tired of dating men who can’t afford to pay for dates, see nothing wrong with their actions.
Men find it intriguing that I enjoy stretching my body, and it sparks conversation with them. It may be an illusion, but it has certainly caught the attention of the Kensington men I’ve dated. Amy is proud of her dating history, which has seen her move from personal trainers and car salesmen to lawyers and financiers. Her previous relationships in her twenties were with men who lacked the same drive for success as she did, but now she wants a partner who shares her aspirations for a comfortable home, luxurious holidays and financial stability.
I’ve recently been seeing a man who lives in Chelsea. On one of our outings, we went to an upmarket Mexican bar and the bill reached three figures due to the number of £15 margaritas we ordered.
He graciously picked up the tab and even texted me the next day to see how I was doing. We’ve been on several dates and I don’t want to rush into anything, but he seems like a promising partner.
Considering I’m looking for a serious relationship, it makes sense to settle down with someone who can provide for me. I’m also seeing another guy who’s very nice, works in property management and lives in Kensington. I often joke with my friends that I have to be careful not to let my posh accent slip around him.
What about Kensington? “It’s actually my dream destination. The men there are both attractive and wealthy. I’ve explored other upmarket areas before, but the men weren’t my type. I need to feel a real attraction to them.
Ella, a 27-year-old executive assistant from Birmingham (who wishes to remain anonymous), claims to be living proof that this bold plan can work.
She recalls: “I started tinkering with my phone settings during a weekend trip to New York five years ago and was amazed at the quality of men who started contacting me. These guys completely redefined my concept of ‘rich’. I was taken to a private members’ club for dinner and drinks and the bill for the cocktails alone must have been in the hundreds of pounds”.
Upon arriving home, I reflected on my life and its direction. Though I grew up in a loving but humble household, I longed for the luxuries that come with wealth. My family has always teased me about my love for the finer things, despite growing up in a modest three-bedroom house. Suddenly, a world of possibilities opened up before my eyes and I saw how I could attain this life.
I began a meticulous transformation to become a “rich girl.” I bought designer clothes online at discounted prices, dyed my hair a more sophisticated caramel hue, and started posting photos of myself in affluent locations. I even changed my location on social media to wealthy areas like Knightsbridge and Notting Hill in London.
Before long, I found myself rotating between three men. One was a banker who worked long hours in the City, another was a media lawyer, and the third worked in public relations.
Over the course of a year, I went skiing in Canada, vacationed on a yacht in Ibiza, and spent weekends at my lawyer boyfriend’s second home in Norfolk, all at no cost to me.
Now, I’m happily committed to the lawyer and thrilled that he proposed to me last month.
“He is aware of my humble background and is always polite when he visits my family home. However, his family seem to see me as a refreshing change, which I suspect is code for ‘pushy’ and ‘not one of us’.
Nevertheless, our love is genuine and we are planning a low-key wedding this summer. He is unaware of my tactics to win him over, and I intend to keep it that way. I believe that what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him.
I owe my success to technology and my determination to find a wealthy husband, even if it makes me a gold-digger. I don’t understand why more women don’t do it.
Like Ella, civil servant Gemma Hall, 27, has done her research on the type of man she wants to attract. “Wealthier men tend to be more active and enjoy outdoor activities. I try to keep up with them, but I draw the line at wild swimming and running in the park. In my experience, wealthier men are more chivalrous and wouldn’t dream of leaving you to fend for yourself”.
Gemma claims it’s a given that she’ll be picked up in a Mercedes or BMW before each date. The venues are usually high-end restaurants where a meal can cost hundreds of pounds – and she has never offered or been asked to pay.
She recommends finding out about their job before a date to determine their salary range. This can usually be deduced from their job description, and Google can also be helpful.
“I also check their clothes in their profile pictures. If they aren’t wearing casual clothing, you know they have money. That’s why I use pictures of me dressed up on my profile,” Gemma explains. Despite living with her parents in Manchester, she prefers to search for potential partners in the wealthy and exclusive area of Alderley Edge, known for its celebrity residents and upscale bars and restaurants.
“I don’t live in a fancy area, and I’m not a snob, but I want to meet better men. The men in my area are terrible. That’s why I switched my dating settings to Alderley Edge, where the footballers and celebrities live. Dating men from these areas is a completely different experience. I don’t date men from my own area anymore.”
Gemma shares an example of a man she dated for four months, who insisted on paying for everything, including a Valentine’s Day gift of a silver bracelet worth a significant amount. “We went on beautiful outings to luxurious villages, and it was so much fun. I enjoy being wined and dined for free, drinking champagne and eating seafood platters, without having to worry about paying for it.”
Although some may question if there are expectations for Gemma in exchange for all the lavish treatment, she insists this is not the case. “Wealthy men make more of an effort to take care of you. They were raised differently, are more charming, know how to navigate a wine list, and don’t assume you’ll sleep with them on the first date. Average men don’t treat women as well, but cultured men prioritize their partner’s needs.”
Business owner Borina Vokou, 36, who lives in London, agrees. She was married for five years in her late twenties. After her divorce, her friends showed her how to “properly” match on dating apps.
“I changed my location to Chelsea for security reasons. I have an unusual name and I didn’t want guys to be able to track me down too easily. So it was basically by accident that I came across the high calibre of men using dating apps in the area. I was quite overwhelmed.
Borina filled her profile with pictures of herself on exotic beaches in bikinis, and soon she was dating a man from Chelsea who worked in banking.
“He took me to very expensive restaurants in London, like the Shard. We also had a weekend in a boutique hotel in Cornwall, just a few weeks after we started dating.
Business owner Borina Vokou, 36, who lives in London, agrees. She was married for five years in her late twenties. After her divorce, her friends showed her how to “properly” match on dating apps.
“I changed my location to Chelsea for security reasons. I have an unusual name and I didn’t want guys to be able to track me down too easily. So it was basically by accident that I came across the high calibre of men using dating apps in the area. I was quite overwhelmed.
Borina filled her profile with pictures of herself on exotic beaches in bikinis, and soon she was dating a man from Chelsea who worked in banking.
“He took me to very expensive restaurants in London, like the Shard. We also had a weekend in a boutique hotel in Cornwall, just a few weeks after we started dating.
Contributing financially was not an option for me. He lived in a riverside flat and wanted to take things further, but my physical attraction fizzled out after a few months.
“Most men aren’t interested in a change of location, they prefer to talk about themselves,” she says.
She takes things a step further by using “Tinder targeting” to cover her expenses when she goes on holiday. “Last summer I went on holiday to the south of France. I changed my location to St Tropez and was surprised by the guys who showed up. I didn’t pay for anything while I was there, except for my plane ticket. I spoke French, which helped. A couple of different men took me out to dinner every night on a rotating basis”.
“I’m going to Ibiza this summer and I’m going to do the same thing. But I’m not sure I’m doing it to meet Mr Right, because I haven’t been honest. There could be awkward conversations along the way and you never know what men might be hiding.
Someone unfamiliar with online dating might think these women are more brazen than Vanity Fair’s social-climbing Becky Sharp.
Amy explained: “Some friends are concerned about my approach to dating. But I’m looking for a wealthy man. It’s all about their mentality. I want to find a man who is ambitious but also generous. I won’t find someone like that in my home town. So why shouldn’t I concentrate on the neighbourhoods where I’m likely to find him?
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