WHIG PARTY TO FIELD ONLY VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE IN 2020
EDMOND, Oklahoma – The Whig Party is returning to American politics after 166 years and will be in play during the 2020 election. The party will only field a vice presidential candidate. Its preferred nominee, comedian Andrew Heaton, refused to run for president at the party’s remote convention this month, but agreed to run as its vice presidential nominee. The Whig Party will not run a presidential candidate this election.
Mr. Heaton told delegates via Zoom that “anyone who runs for president is a psychopath” and that “if by some fluke you win, it sure looks like a lot of work.” Heaton has therefore agreed to run only for vice president, saying in his acceptance speech, “I’d be pretty good at shaking hands at diners and funerals and stuff. I think I’d have to live in an observatory, but that’s fine.”
Mr. Heaton is following in the footsteps of Dave Barry, Bob Hope, and Steve Colbert, all of whom have previously run for president. He is filing with the FEC, and attempting to get the Whig Party on as many state ballots as possible before November. The Whig Party is confident it can appear on the Louisiana ballot, which has low filing fees and few needed signatures. Heaton has also indicated he will run in Guam, which has no electoral votes, and possibly Alberta, a Canadian province.
Starting late in the game and with virtually no ballot access, Heaton is aware that he will have to work outside of normal election strategies. “I’m going to focus on getting endorsements from former vice presidents,” he said. “I think we’ve got a pretty good shot with Dan Quayle. Then Cheney, Gore, and Mondale if he’s still alive. Biden isn’t running for VP this time so there’s no conflict, but getting Mike Pence’s endorsement will be pretty hard.”
Heaton says he’s also open to running on multiple tickets, including as Joe Biden and Kanye West’s running mates, simultaneously.
Mr. Heaton is available for interviews via his campaign hotline at 844-768-3397 or by email at email@example.com. He is the host of two programs, the science fiction podcast “Alienating the Audience” and “The Political Orphanage,” a news and policy podcast.