Good Moaning France! Officer Crabtree’s Fronch Phrose Berk

*Publication 24 October 2018 in paperback & ebook


Based on a favourite character from BBC TV sitcom ‘Allo ‘Allo! In this delightful book, Officer Crabtree’s masterly grasp of Fronch falls under the spotlight as never before.

From ‘Ploose may I hov a kippy of the dooly nosepooper?’ to ‘frigs logs’, ‘scrimbled oggs’ and ‘fosh and chops’ the book is a tribute to mangled words and phrases. Arthur Bostrom, who played Officer Crabtree on stage and screen, mixes vowels and pronunciation trying to educate those less gifted in the French longwodge.

Criss chunnel fairy.
Which bonk do you bonk with?
Would you lick a drunk?

Illustrated by John Cooper and ideal for travellers and fans of ‘Allo ‘Allo! alike, Good Moaning France! is a wake-up call for anyone who thinks they are competent in French (or English or any other language). Readers’ questions are answered in Ask Crabtree, there are examples from Crabtree’s poloce newtberks and a most unhelpful Undex. In a Foreword music legend Rick Wakeman recalls how he fell off his chair laughing on seeing the character created by screenwriters David Croft and Jeremy Lloyd at the start of the second series(the book is published by permission).

‘Listen very carefully, you will read this more than once. I loaved it’― Les Dennis.

‘Buck your fairy trip to Fronce now and take Crabtree’s guide with you. A must-read. Hilarious’― Su Pollard.

‘DO NOT BUY ZIS BOOK!!! IF YOU DO, YOU VILL BE SHOT!!!’— Helga (Kim Hartman).

Arthur bostrom

Arthur Bostrom played Officer Crabtree in eight series of ‘Allo ‘Allo! (still repeated in the UK and sold to 80 countries worldwide) and also in the stage version. Born in Rugby, he graduated from the University of Durham. As an actor he has appeared in many theatrical, TV and radio productions. He is also a voice-over artist, trained life coach and member of the Royal Geographical Society.

For book-related enquires and to speak with the author about his book please contact:
• Bryan Gibson on 01256 882250,

For artist management, personal appearances, etc. please contact
• Jo Hole on 0207 9288231